Heart Code

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BvO493hJ_78
I am a giver, and always have been. I can honestly say I would risk my own life, without hesitation, to save a stranger. I can say this because I have done it. I was at the beach (specifics left out do to rights of people involved) on one instance. The palm trees and grass covered sand dunes across from the camper my family and I were staying in caught on fire. It was raging and catching by the time we were woken up, at 5 in the morning. In my families haste to get away from the fire, they didn't notice the small child walking towards the flames. (Backround info: we were staying in a large campground. The child must have been from one of the other camper families, perhaps forgotten in the haste?) The child, male, couldn't have been more than 6 or 7 years old, and very obviously was enthralled by the lights. Without hesitation, I ran to the child, picked him up, and starting running in the opposite direction. For me to get that close to the flames was incredibly dangerous, and it made me very sick. (I should have gone to the hospital, but...I don't like hospitals and modern medicine) I have asthma and my PTSD is directly linked to fire and smoke (and yes, I did have a nervous breakdown and pass out a few hours later). To get the child, I breathed in a lot of smoke. I managed to catch up to my family, who were all standing a safe distance from the flames, before I dropped the child and collapsed. I couldn't breath, my vision was swimming, and I felt cold all over. I know it must have done something to my lungs or something, but I wouldn't let the paramedics touch me. The child was unharmed, thank God! He fell asleep while I was carrying him away from the flames, and didn't seem upset by anything when he was woken up.
Why am I telling you this, you ask? It isn't so I can look like a heroin, because I am not. I don't have an ounce of courage in me. And once I was certain the child was going to be okay, I left him with the paramedics and bolted. I didn't want the gratitude that would come when the mother would see me. When I see someone who is in distress, pain, sickness, ANYTHING negative, I have to help. I absolutely have no physical or mental choice, it is my instinct. I spend my days counseling my friends and family, studying psychology on my own (I actually plan to receive my PhD in Social Psychology, though I have yet to decide what I will do with it), and making sure I know anything that could help me help someone else. I don't hold much value for my own life, though I am most certainly not depressed. I simply hold a rather unhealthy level of obsession in helping all other living creatures.
A common question that I am asked: if a stranger and your brother were both drowning, who would I save? Well, that's easy. I would try to save both, starting first with whoever my instincts told me to save (which wouldn't necessarily be my brother). And even if it looked like I couldn't save the other person, or I would drown if I tried, I would still try. I can't swim, so most likely I would die trying to save the first person. But I would rather die trying (see that nice little reference back to the link? Yeah, I know, genius! Ha-ha) than live knowing I chose my life over another human beings.
How can I do this, you ask? Easy. I believe every person is alive for a reason. We have a mission here that we must accomplish. I believe my mission is to help people. I love to do it, I feel a certain need to do it, and I feel like I did something right when I try to do all I can for everyone. I could be wrong, but why be negative? I love helping people, and I will continue risking it all to complete this mission. If I die trying to save someone else, than I died completing my mission. If I chose my life, sanity, and health over theirs, than I am telling God I have not learned my lesson on Earth yet and am not ready to be excepted into his Home.
What do I mean, you ask? Whats my point? Your mission is the key. My friend Jason asks me repeatedly, "why am I not happy?", and I always tell him the same thing, "your not happy because your not on the right track". He hasn't realized his reason for being here, he isn't doing what he is supposed to do to fulfill his mission, something in his life if just off. The easiest way to fix this? Read the Bible, do yoga, go sit on a mountain at night, stare up at the stars, pray, paint, write in a journal, there are countless ways to learn what your purpose is. The question is already answered in your heart, you just have to learn to listen. And the only way to do that is to do things that delve deep into your soul and reveal who you really are.
If you feel like your in a rut, down on luck, or nothing seems to go good for you, listen to what I am telling you. You must find your purpose! Once you do that, all you have to do is do it! My purpose is helping others, so I do that all the time. I make it my life. If you do that, if you bring that one little foot back onto the right track, the rest of you will follow. You will see yourself beginning to realize things about yourself that you didn't know before. I realized my purpose in life, I made it my life, and I am happy! I realized the religion for me, I realized that I am a vegan at heart, I started taking better care of myself, and the world just looks so much brighter and happier than it used to! I have the energy and the spunk to do what I couldn't before, and all because I found my calling.